I might puke

I had a sausage sandwich (no, not two dudes between bread silly) for lunch today and it is riding a bit heavy in my fat "fish belly". Since I am such a fat ass, I thought, "what the hell? I might as well over do it for lunch!"

This past weekend was interesting. I stayed home with the boys on Friday, and let Brodie kick me in the testes all day long. Also, I was still sick. I swear, that kid can go from being super sweet to super grumpy in a matter of seconds. He wants to be held, he doesn't want to be held. Repeat. He was fussy most of the day, and pretty much refused to nap. Dillon, on the other hand, was pretty good. Alicia got home, and we decided to press our luck and go out for dinner to get some Mexican. Ordered our food, got it, and Dillon started acting weird. Said he was tired, wanted to lay down in the booth, and wanted me to hold him. Unusual. Well, by the time we got home, I noticed he was warm. I took his temperature, and it was 102. Awesome. So, juice, and to bed for him. Brodie decided he wanted to wake up and fuss at 1230 and I couldn't fall back asleep after that. Dillon woke up around 2, and wanted to sleep downstairs. Eventually, he ended up in our bed, and I went up to his bed because I was coughing my head off and didn't want to bother him and Alicia. So, no sleep for me. Saturday, we got up, and by 9 in the morning, Dillon was pretty much fine and back to his old stuff. So, I'm not sure what the deal was, but I am glad it didn't last very long. We ran a few errands, and I hopped on the Cannondale Rush to ride down to Klunk to pick up a part. I didn't even bother to kit up, I just wore my jeans and a helmet and my mtb shoes. I was still feeling like shit, and wanted to see how bad my knee was for the race on Sunday. Well, the knee was bad, and the lungs were burning because of the crap in them. And my throat too. Not looking to good for the Berryman Epic. I actually thought of bagging it and staying home. Jasen camped out at our house that night on the air mattress since we were leaving at 430 in the morning for the trip down south. I ended up getting a good nights sleep.

Woke up a little before 4 in the morning, made coffee, brushed the teeth, and got in the car and on the road at 430 with Steve and Jasen. The drive down was uneventful, we stopped at McDonalds in Jeff City for some mcMuffins. I was excessively gassy, sorry to my car mates. We made it to the campground, got out numbers, and went about getting motivated for the race. I was feeling pretty shitty, and had pretty much resigned myself to just riding till I didn't feel like it anymore, and then pulling the plug. Everyone was looking for Tilford, he was registered and supposed to be there, but he was a no show. However, Eric Pirtle and Chris Ploch were there, along with an off-road appearance by Brad Huff, incognito in his Springfield bike shop kit. Nice. I initially lined up in the middle/front of the field, but then decided I shouldn't since I was feeling so bunk. So, lined it up in the back. The race started, and as we rolled out of the parking area, I thought it might be fun to see if I could move up a bit. I ended up pretty close to the front and wondered what I was doing? So, I decided that it would be a good time to take a leak. Took it out on a downhill and let fly with the stream. Lost a few places, who cares? Got into the first stretch of singletrack feeling ok, better then I thought I would. Started picking people off, still not going too hard. Got to Brazil creek, the first aid station, pretty quick, around 55 minutes. For some reason, I figured I should fill my hydration pack. Bad move, I spilled water all over the place, didn't get it closed good, had to take it back off to fix it, then decided to get some of the nasty goldfish crackers they had. Then decided to get some food out of my pack, and take some tums. Super inefficient, I was there for 10 minutes. Still not really caring though. Finally got back on the bike and almost missed the trail thanks to the lemming mentality. I was following some dude who turned on the wrong trail, awesome. Rode the next stretch of the race pretty quick, made it to the first berryman aid station feeling pretty good. Got more water and pretzels, and took off. Almost missed another turn, actually rode in a circle for a bit till I found it. It was across a highway, and the marking was on a tree over there. Nice. Then a creek crossing and some very deep, slow sand that I walked, which caused me to start cramping. Some pretty steep, longs hills followed, I struggled with the cramps on all of them. I actually crashed climbing a hill, I got in some lose sand on the climb, spun the rear tire, completely stopped, and fell over before I could get unclipped. Pro!! Not only that, I slammed my bad knee into the toptube on the bike which almost made me pee my pants. Finished up the single track and limped to the next checkpoint, at the berryman campground again. Was told how fat I was by a certain someone at the checkpoint. Thanks!! Hopped back on the trail with a new dose of self confidence. I actually felt better, and rode the rest of the singletrack pretty strong even though I was fighting the cramps. Finally made it to the last road section, and kept seeing people up ahead. I figured I might as well hit the gas and I ended up passing 5 more people. So, I actually had a decent ride given the circumstances, I just wish I would not have been sick and had a gimpy knee. Not a lot else to report, there was a guard at the beer cooler by the name of Furby. Chatted it up with Huff a bit, that kid ended up 2nd!! How hot is that? Ploch won the race, and local man Mike Best ended up third. Jasen, Steve, and I finally got loaded up and headed home with a stop at Burger King. The fat man ate 2 whoppers and onion rings, which I am paying for today.

Tell me how fat I am the next time you see me.