BA Ozenberger

Think A-Team. This is a funny story. Last year when we were in Tucson, Matt Racine (Titus), TJ, and my self decided one night to escape the drama of the 12 man apartment we were staying in and rolled up to Barnes and Noble in the suburban. Little did we know, we were in store for a night of weirdness. We went in and started looking at books and magazines. I was scoping out a book, an autobiography of Boy George to be exact, when this little girl came up to me. Thinking "WTF, kids usually don't like me because I am scary looking", she started talking to me. Sh requested that I read a book about a bunny to her. Feeling a bit weird, but seeing how needy she was, we sat down in the kids section at a wee table with tiny chairs, and I proceded to read to her. Some lady came up, and, thinking she worked there, I told her that I thought this little girl was lost. She didn't work there, but she went to the front of the store and got a worker. In the meantime, Titus and TJ had joined in on the reading session. Then her mother showed up. She was a real piece of work, dirty, smarmy looking and overweight. She started kind of yelling at her kid in front of us, then proceeded to walk away with her without a word of thanks for keeping an eye on her. No biggie. When we left, the "mom" was outside smoking with a bunch of dirty guys while her daughter sat inside alone in the coffee shop. Really mad me mad and I wanted to go over and tell her that she was a bad mother. So we left B & N and started heading back to the apartment. We took Speedway Boulevard which is a 3 lane divided busy street with a 40 MPH speedlimit. We were in the middle lane when some dick in a Ford Lightning SVT flew past us, cut us off, then proceeded to weave in and out of traffic, all going prolly 65 or faster. We ended up stopped at a stoplight next to him. Keep in mind, Titus was driving, TJ was in the back seat, and I was rolling shotgun. So, since I am driving monitor and I have a bad attitude, I rolled down the window and said "Hey man, why don't you learn how to drive that thing?!?" The guy rolled down the window and he looked like this fucking guy, Judge Doom from Roger Rabbit, but after he freaked out and his eyes got all big and red and he had that little bit of blond hair on top of his head.

This guy was also totally ripped with muscles, tan, and probably hopped up on goofballs. Anyway, this dude totally freaked out. When the light turned green, he was swerving towards us all the way down the road, trying to hit us or run us off the road. He was yelling and cussing, fucking going nuts. I look over and Matt is losing it, I am thinking about what might be in the car that I could use to beat this guy with cause I was sure that we would stop at another light and he would get out and I would have to fight him. Now, I am usually not one to back down from a fight, but this guy was out of his mind. I think one of us would have ended up in the hospital at least. TJ is just sitting in the back, looking like he might throw up. So, I am thinking I can call Curt on my cell and just roll to the apartment and maybe this guy will follow and he can have everybody outside waiting. But, to my relief, he finally turned and went on a side street. Matt was like "Holy fuck!! What the fuck just happened???" And I was like, "we almost got killed. Sorry guys, I guess I'll keep my mouth shut next time someone acts like an asshole". The best part, and the tension breaker, is right after that, I cut this huge, long, but unstinky loud fart. At least we had some stories to tell when we got home.